4 days until our birth anniversay

I thought i would start a thread in here.

In 4 days my babe will be 1.

SO much to celebrate, so much to be sad about.

He was my second CS babe. So much sadness surrounds this cs. So much I could have done better self blame shit.
I try and remember all the positiveness that came immediately after the surgery.
He never left my chest
he breast fed in theatre
the cord was left until it finished pulsating. But not lotus as i had wished.
He never left my side.

None of the above happened with me and my first child.
B (my first babe) was taken to SCN immediately after his arrival. We breast fed for 6 days. I am still breast feeding my nearly 1 year old.

SO much to add to this post.
Will come back and share more.
But wanted to start the thread with some ponderings.

This is the sort of thing that necessitates a rambling post IMO. There's so much pulsating through your body and mind that getting it all out in one go, in a paragraph or two, isn't really practical! It's ok to grieve over the first and second c/s even though it's an anniversary for only the second atm, you gotta do what comes up, not make plans for it like it's going to follow some set pattern.

Take it easy, let it come in it's own time. Trust that it will come! And when it does you can work out how to face it.

I'm looking forward to reading more and being beside you as you explore this.

If you are stuck with where to go with it (and I understand you may have an idea where you want to go with this thread, so ignore this if you do), maybe you could go into more detail about the things you celebrate, and the things you grieve.

What are your plans for the day?

It sucks that a day that should be filled with happiness has to have these griefs as well, doesn't it. (hugs))

Much love to you, on this day, and happy birthday little one.

Sending lots of love to you. The cake looks fantastic!!!