Howdy

Hi,
My name is Jen and I am mumma to two little boys aged 19 mths and 7 weeks. Both emergency C sections, one done in ignorance on my part the other done in complete knowledge and understanding after a failed VBAC yet it was the second that brought a degree of healing to the first. But still disappointing as it was the one thing I thought I would be able to avoid.

But Im here and loving my sons while journeying towards healing on the inside and doing my best to offer a bit of education in the hope that other mums can avoid my experiences.

Welcome Indigo

My name is Sammi, I'm mama to two year old Bodhi, and I'm the site administrator. I'd like to know a little more about your experiences, and I'll be back in the next few days to explore with you.

7 weeks is still so soon after the last birth! What are the biggest impressions these births have given you?

The biggest impression I got first time round was that birth was medical and there for treated as such. The hospital birth classes were all about what forceps looked like how they were used, different types of pain meds etc and tours of the birthing suit (which was right next to the OR). So when I was offered things like an induction and epidural I took them thinking it was all part and parcel. I had no idea about the cascade of intervention and what the effect of drugs would be on my baby boy. Looking back I feel I trusted too much in the 'system' and never questioned anything even though during the whole labour I was full of questions. DS 1's birth was also a trigger for previous childhood abuse trauma.

Second time round I was much more informed. Actually my first stop was accidentally JB (which was how I came across this forum ) and suddenly I realized just how little I knew. This time round though DS 2 was conceived consciously and with intent through getting to know myself and cycle. I read about the experience of others and planned for a homebirth but due to my 'high risk' factor as a previous c section and being overweight I was unable to access the local homebirth service. I also live in a medically isolated area of Australia so no IM's. I considered freebirth but it wasn't what I wanted. So off to an OB who supported my desire for VBAC. This labour was drug free and just me DH and a wonderful hospital midwife. But sadly after reaching full dilation and having my membranes rupture DS 2 would not come out. Even the OB has admitted to not knowing way and said he was in the right position. I do know it wasn't due to any irregularity in terms of my physiology etc. I can only speculate but DS 1 was the same. Both had large heads but I don't know if this was why. DS 2 did go into distress and once that happened I lost it and got very scared. At that point for me it bacame about getting him out and knowing he was ok.

This is basically a quick run down but as Im sure you know there are many factors that come into birth. I hope to work few some of them here.

Thanks for your reply, Indigo. You are obviously in a place ready to explore and find some answers.

I had no idea about the cascade of intervention and what the effect of drugs would be on my baby boy. Looking back I feel I trusted too much in the 'system' and never questioned anything even though during the whole labour I was full of questions.

You know, I don't think that that is so unusual. If nothing else, the hospital system is overworked, underfunded and underresourced, and combined with a general cultural attitude of reaction to health care problems rather than proactive and preventative holistic health care, it's not suprising that you weren't offered the information you describe, or that you even realised that this may be something you'd have to hunt out for yourself.

I'm interested to know how you feel about your second child's birth, as opposed to your first. The reason I ask this is that you sound like you took on a great deal of appropriate responsibility for the birth, sought out what sounds like you feel was the best option available you could find for your specific needs and those of your baby and family, and also that answers still are to be found.

hi and welcome!

Hello and welcome! Lovely to have a new face among us

It looks as though you already have many insights into how things turned out as they did. Does that make things easier or harder at this early stage? Personally I feel really angry at our hospital maternity system when I hear of how previous childhood trauma is awoken by it's daily workings. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Have you written your birth stories out so that we can share the journey with you? My first two births were c/sec aswell, they're both found here should you be interested in following a healing journey

Once again, welcome to BH, may you find healing among us